go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
