I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My vagina just recognized that song.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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