the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize