Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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