Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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