I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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