yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
