well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
