what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i was born a porn star she said
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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