I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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