come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
