In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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