I didn't shave. On purpose
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
