This is not my ceiling
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
