Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
