I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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