do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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