last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
