HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
