After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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