Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
