Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
