I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
