so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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