I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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