Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
