Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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