Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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