Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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