the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
