So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
