we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
