he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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