dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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