have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
