Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
