Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Everything about him screamed your future.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize