yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
