I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
