so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
