I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize