East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize