she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
