Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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