This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize