my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
