I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
