Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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