I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
