So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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