how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
too bad you live with your parents still
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
