I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is the high leading the old right now
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
