worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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