I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize