With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
