Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
