can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
