weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
