Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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