a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
