Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
