tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
