I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
