I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
