just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
