I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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