That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
