i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The power of my boobs compel you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
