before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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